Creepies and Crawlies - the Bug Trials...

So I'm starting to get somewhere in my new home. At first I was painfully ill-equiped to deal with the new set of challenges I faced, most significantly, the creepies and the crawlies. Back in the sick room it was a case of shut the windows (cellotape some of them shut), get the fans blowing and, should the odd nasty come a creeping or a crawling, deal with it ruthlessly. But this wooden home is a different kettle of bugs. It's all about twilight and the darkness that follows. In he beginning I had no curtains, so the windows filled with hundreds of things desperate to get to my light. I tried occupying one room and leaving the door to the bedroom closed, but it didn't work. I went to bed in a zoo.

First I found little wormie-caterpillar things marauding on the look-out for the carcasses of other insects – the wiggly hyena of the bug world. God knows where they dragged these unfortunate creatures. As my mattress was on the floor, and with no idea what was going on under the floorboards or above the rafters, I felt compelled to act to avoid a potential infestation or the dreaded thought of nocturnal nasal invasions. Karma temporarily put to one side, I was brutal.

Then the moths started fluttering. Moths are harmless. I know this. But when there's so many of them and they're so big and when they occasionally take a wrong turn and fly into your lips, they can be just as annoying as the more aggressive bugs. But for some reason, I can't kill a moth, so I suffered them. The worst thing about moths? In the dark they could be something else. Incidentally, I've seen a moth the size of my head. And a beetle the size of my fist. In all kinds of colours – radiant green to deep red and shiny sky blue.

But the biggest baddie of all... the mosquito. On Saturday night I managed 2-3 hours sleep because of these critters. Obviously their bites are itchy and can give you a horrible disease, but it's the noise that really does you in. It carries a melody of threat. Bzzzzzzzzz – I'm gonna bite you, you gonna itch and then get malaria... bzzzzzz. It's almost impossible to sleep when the buzzing's going on, so I had to deal with each and every incidence of it, ideally, without turning the light on, lest more bugs become entranced by the flickers and join me in my humble room.

Things have improved. I bought a plug-in bug repellent, and it works a treat. I now relax at night. In the living room before bed I still hang 3 sets of curtains and switch to candle light when the thump thumpety flap flaps at the window get a bit too much. But I love it here! Trials to be endured. I'm also enjoying a sustained period of chronic pain, which is not something I've ever had to deal with before. Sciatica. Like a toothache that starts in the lower back, courses through the hip joint and reaches down your leg. I'm lying down a lot. And taking painkillers when I have to. Trials to be endured.

On the upside, I've got a new clothes washing partner...